Some days I feel like super woman or at least I pretend I am. Other days, not so much. Just when I think I’m making progress and healing, Milan starts to ask questions and my heart breaks all over again. She’s confused and I simply don’t have the answers.
The problem I’m facing is that I refuse to be dishonest with her but at the same time I can’t exactly explain to her what’s going on. It would be slightly different if the situation was straight forward but unfortunately that is not the case. It’s much more complicated than you can possibly imagine. How do you tone something of this magnitude down for a three year old? You can’t. It’s too much even for a grown adult to process much less than a toddler. I know she is very intuitive and obviously knows something is going on. How can she not? She only sees one parent.
I wish the situation was different but I can only control my actions. I pray that she is not affected by all of this but how can she not be? All I can do is provide her with all the love I possibly have and surround her with people that love and care for her. Am I able to give her enough love and affection to make up for what is missing in her life? I don’t know. I can only hope and pray at this point. Some days I say to myself, I can do this. I got this. Everything will be ok. Then she looks at me with her big brown eyes and asks why this or why that and when will…then my heart shatters into a million pieces all over again. How do you even keep it together when this happens? You simply can’t.
The hardest part about this journey is the pain I feel for Milan. My own heartache, I can deal with and heal. But when this gut wrenching pain, confusion and poison trickles down to your one and only child, it’s devastating to say the least.
Everyone says she will be fine and that I will be fine. We both will be fine. But will we? To be honest, some days I’m not sure how I will be able to pull this off. There is one thing I do know for certain. The love I have for her is bigger than anything and everything in this world. I will fight for her until my last dying breath and do my best to make sure she has the best possible life. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. XO
Dress: Asymmetrical polka dot dress (size small) | Shoes: Sam Edelman sandals (another great option HERE) | Jacket: Jessica Simpson white denim jacket (size XS, another option HERE) | Bag: Time and Tru Leigh tote (avail in 9 colors)