10 Signs You’re Married or Dating a Narcissist

Laguna Beach Crescent Bay

I know most of you follow me for fashion however I feel compelled to share my life experiences – both good and bad.  The past 4-5 years have been by far the most difficult for me.  This past year being my all time low.  What I’ve been through is beyond words.  Beyond comprehension.  I have yet to share my full story.  Maybe I will someday.  Maybe I won’t.  Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to write a book.

Today I wanted to share 10 signs that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist.  Trust me there are plenty more signs  that are not included in this post but these are the ones I’m familiar with.  In full disclosure, I am not a doctor, therapist or medical professional.  Just because your spouse or significant other may have one more or of these signs, does not mean they are a narcissist.  I think it’s good to educate yourself and evaluate your current relationship.

10 SIGNS YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST

1. THEY ARE CHARMING AF.  Narcissists are very charming and charismatic.  They may appear to be super nice and sweet at the beginning but don’t be fooled.  They will drop you or move on without a second thought.

2. LACK OF EMPATHY.  They have no emotions.  They are not capable of feelings.  They lack the ability to empathize or even sympathize.  It’s always about them.  They don’t care about your feelings because they aren’t capable of feeling or caring about anyone else but themselves.

3. GASLIGHTING.  Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse.  They blatantly lie and distort the truth.  Signs of gaslighting include the following (source):

  • You no longer feel like the person you used to be.
  • You feel more anxious and less confident than you used to be.
  • You often wonder if you’re being too sensitive.
  • You feel like everything you do is wrong.
  • You always think it’s your fault when things go wrong.
  • You’re apologizing often.
  • You have a sense that something’s wrong, but aren’t able to identify what it is.
  • You often question whether your response to your partner is appropriate.
  • You make excuses for your partner’s behavior.

4. THEY NEVER APOLOGIZE AND THEY THINK THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.  There is no winning with a narcissist.  Fighting or arguing with a narcissist is impossible.  Since they think they’re never wrong, they will never apologize.  EVER.  In a healthy relationship, good partners can recognize when they’ve done something wrong and apologize for it.

5. THEY HAVE LITTLE TO NO FRIENDS. If your partner has little to no friends…this could be something to look into and be aware of.  It’s so important and healthy to have friends and relationships with other people.

6. NEEDS CONSTANT PRAISE.  Narcissists constantly need attention.  They need praise, admiration and endless compliments.  Think of it as food for their ego.  They feed off of this and need it to survive.

7. ENTITLEMENT.  Narcissist have a sense of entitlement.  They consider themselves special and should get whatever they want and when they want it.  They expect everyone around them to comply, obey and worship them.

8. EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT.  No matter what happens, it’s your fault.  They stop working for no reason? It’s your fault.  They are stressed?  It’s your fault?  You had a baby and life is hard?  It’s your fault.  Mid-life crisis?  It’s your fault.  Every single thing that happens is your fault.

9.  CONTROLS EVERYTHING.  Narcissists tend to love control.  It’s about power.  When they have control, they have power.  If your partner is telling you what to eat, what to touch or not touch, how to live, who to see or who you can’t see, how to dress or what color to dye your hair, or how large or small your boobs should be or how many times you should wash your hands, you need to run.

10. THEY BELITTLE AND DEMEAN YOU.  They call you names. Verbal abuse. Call it whatever you want.  This also goes hand in hand with control and gaslighting.  It’s how they keep you down while feeding their ego.  Control your emotions, control your mind.  Control everything about you so you have NO IDEA how to survive without them.

Most of the time, people have no clue they are in a relationship with a narcissist.  I honestly had no idea what gaslighting even meant until it was brought to my attention by a family member.

Narcissists can never and will never be fulfilled in any area of their lives.  Nothing is ever enough.  Nothing or no one is good enough.  Just remember it’s not you.  You are enough.

If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, my advice is to GTFO.  I know, easier said than done.  Find the strength.  Dig deep and know your value.  Seek therapy and surround yourself with family and friends.

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  1. Thank you for sharing. It took me over twenty years to figure out I was married to a narcissist. Wishing you all the best xoxo 😘

  2. I’m so sorry to hear this. I recently got out of a very long (28 years) relationship with this type person. It took me years to get the strength to leave. And he committed suicide. I don’t blame myself for this but it sure did add to my issues which I have dealt with in intense therapy. Talk therapy really helps, my advice is to get it. It really helps put everything in perspective. I wish you the very best.

  3. Thank you for sharing this. I feel like I am reading about my own experience over the past seven years. Please take care and praise yourself for getting out of the relationship. Hugs!

  4. 8 out of 10. Yup, married to one and always new it. 10 years of marriage and I’m still there knowing it EVERY DAY. You’re lucky you got out honey so beyond thrilled and happy for you. Me? I’ll just take another pill.

    • He fits this profile to a T. Married one year shy of 50 years. I’m stuck. Can’t get out. Wish I could. He goes to bed and wakes up every morning giving me the silent treatment and galavants all over town during the day. I cook, clean, do all the laundry, take care of pets, pay all my medical bills but according to him…I’m good for nothing. I spent 16 years alone while he drove trucks cross country. I managed home on 40 acres, did all the tractor mowing, putting out fires, dealing with bad neighbors…but he claims I did nothing! Say no more.

    • Hi Denise, so happy you got out and good for you getting your self-esteem back. It’s no joke healing after dealing with a narcissistic person. Most people have zero clue unless you’ve lived it. Sending you lots of love. XO

  5. Annie! All 10. Ironic how we both went through this at the same time. I wish I could fly to CA and just have a good venting session. I also wish that more people talked about the signs
    ……sorry you have lived this hell. Cheers to moving on! Love all of your posts ♡♡♡

    • Thank you for sharing, Annie. Women need to really hear what others have gone through to give them strength, courage and hope knowing that they aren’t alone. Also, to share that knowledge to empower them to act for their own sake. Therefore, I applaud you for writing this piece. As women, we tend to share. Not all is good or necessary, but if it can help at least one other woman, then it’s the greatest reward. No one should have to endure such a relationship and suffer at the hands of someone else’s doing. Every human being should realize their worth. There are definitely signs throughout the relationship. Don’t mistaken his excuses, actions and words for LOVE. It isn’t! As you mentioned, they can be charming AF, but it’s only a matter of time when the beast rears his head again. This can happen to anybody. We have to be able to recognize the signs before it’s too late. Once, you free yourself……you have your whole life ahead of you!

      I was in an abusive (mainly physical, with some emotional). This was many moons ago when domestic abuse was somewhat still taboo with very little resources and support. Not like today. I had to deal with it all alone. My friends never really knew. My family had no idea. I was young, naive and didn’t know what real love was…… Thank God I made it out alive! It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had enough because the experience made me bitter and angry. I learned to loved myself more than that, and decided that this is not the life to be lived. The relationship was putting me and my family in danger. I couldn’t let it happen any longer.

      It took so much out of me to leave it all behind. The challenges I faced made me tougher, determined and wiser. I forged my own path into the future and went on to achieve everything I had ever wanted for myself. I trained and volunteered for a Domestic Abuse Center to assist other women with restraining orders, court appearances etc. Fortunately, not long after that was over, I met my guardian angel out of nowhere. He came into my life, brought back the laughter and joy. Fast forward 26 years later…….we are still happily married today. Believe that after every storm, a rainbow DOES appear! Best wishes to you, Annie. You got this!

      • Wow, I am so touched by your story and beyond happy you found your guardian angel. Thank you for sharing this with me and other women. Your story will help others heal. XOXO

    • Hi Jamie, OMG. If you are ever in CA, please email me and we will meet up and chat. This topic is barely talked about yet so many people go through it. I hope you got out and are in a much better place. Sending lots of hugs and prayers. XOXO

  6. Well said. So many people are in these types of relationships. We all need to be reminded of our worth. I think what you are doing is amazing! Keep it up❤️

    • Hi Erin, I lost my self worth for so many years. Broken to the core. I’m still healing but getting stronger by the day. I definitely want to use my platform to remind women their worth and that it is NOT US. XOXO

  7. Thank you for sharing. My first serious boyfriend was all this and more. I was naive and didn’t realize it until he destroyed my self worth. He always said that I would never leave him but I did. It took me years to want to date again and I still have problems with trusting people because of him. He still tries to “be friends” even now 20 years later but I’ve cut him off as much as I can and the only way he can communicate with me is email which I delete immediately upon receiving.

    • Hi Laura, Thanks so much for sharing. I am so so so happy you got out and am so proud that you delete his emails. He doesn’t deserve to have you in his life. I hear you about trust issues and dating. It’s very difficult. We just have to remember that not all men are narcissistic assholes and that there are still good men out there. They are far and few between but they do exist. Sending lots of hugs, love and prayers. Glad you got out. XOXO

  8. OMG. You’re describing my ex to a T. A few things that I’d like to add to this list is that a narcissist is either a hero or a victim, and they’re also asshole with no soul. Everyone has to catering to them and make everything convenient or else they throw a fit. They know it all and everyone is beneath them. If they cannot control you anymore they will use the child to control you.

    • OMG. OMG. OMG!!!!! Kim, your comment resonated with me so deeply. I couldn’t agree more. Every single word you wrote is 10000000% spot on. Asshole with no soul – perfect description. Couldn’t have put it better myself. The last sentence hits me hard. Thank you for sharing and commenting. XOXO

  9. Annie, you have no idea how often I wanted to give you hugs when you first started posting about being down. Somehow I thought it had to do with a relationship and now knowing a little bit more, I’m so happy you were able to get out and find light and happiness in your life with Milan. And not to mention your new love!! I was in the same position and it was so hard for me to walk away from the person that I had been with for over 12 years but I couldn’t take the abuse anymore and I didn’t want to be a fool a third time. Thanks for sharing the good and bad in your life with your online world! Wishing you so much love and happiness, and if I run into you around OC, you better believe you’re gonna get a big hug! <3

  10. Thank you for sharing your story Annie. Any advice for those who observe a loved one in this type of relationship? I’ve tried bringing it to her attention; pointing out these signs, especially the gaslighting. She reacts defensive and then I’m on the outs with her. How can you save someone from this type of relationship?

    • Hi Jessica,

      Oh gosh. This is tough. She’s defensive because deep down she knows you are right. She’s in denial which is very typical. When you are being abused by a narcissist, you have NO CLUE it’s happening. My advice is to keep trying to talk to her. Show her articles or websites. Let her know you are trying to protect her. Hopefully she will see the light before it’s too late. I hope you get through to her. Don’t give up trying. It wasn’t until a family member brought it to my attention that the light bulb went off. You are doing the right thing by bringing it to her attention. Fingers crossed. XOXO

  11. My favorite thing is when they make you feel like you’re crazy and imagining things. Glad you are in a much better place…

  12. All 10 for 10 years, thankfully I got out after a good counselor helped me identify the abuse. Fast forward 1 year and 1 month later, I am free of him and could not be happier.
    I too have a child (18 months) and custody. She is my rainbow at the end of a crazy storm.
    Prayers for you and your little girl.
    Kristine

    • Hi Kristine,

      I am SOOOOOOO happy you got out and yay for your baby. Milan is my rainbow too. I hear you mama. You are strong and so proud of you. Sending hugs and prayers. XO

  13. Thank you for sharing! My boyfriend of 28 years has many of these signs. I’m ready to leave since our daughter is 9 and things have become harder to hide from her and it’s now impacting her as well. But I feel trapped with no way out for fear of losing everything I have worked for (our house, etc), financially, fear of him committing suicide, and my daughter cries that she doesn’t want us to separate. I’ve tried speaking to a lawyer but because we are not married they said I would need two different lawyers to handle custody and a civil lawyer for dividing assets. I’m just so overwhelmed and lost but feel like signs (such as seeing your IG story) keep reminding me I need to take action and stop staying.

    • Hi Diana,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart aches for you. Have you considered talking to a professional- not a lawyer but a therapist? I think it would really help. Your situation is unique in that you are not married and share a child and assets. I know it’s overwhelming. You need to stay strong and don’t lose hope. Listen to your gut. Take the necessary steps day by day to do what you need to do to protect yourself and your daughter. Sending love and prayers. XO

  14. Thank you very much for sharing,this will open many people’s eyes and is important for our young people to know oll this signs.
    You are strong woman and I admire you so much don’t ever change and don’t let anybody change how you are.

  15. 15 years for me. My girlfriends told me and when I tried to confront him, I was told everyone was a liar and not to believe them. I wasnt strong enough to leave. He left me for a much younger woman.
    I was very relieved actually. Took me time to realize I was worthy of a better relationship.
    He tried to manipulate our daughter, but she could see through him. They didnt speak for years. Now, she has a guarded relationship with him.
    Thank you for talking about this!

    • Hi Kathy,

      Our stories are similar and we are both better off. We deserve so much better. Their mistake was a blessing in disguise. Interesting about how he tried to manipulate your daughter. This is one of my fears. So happy your daughter saw right through him. Thank you for sharing your story with me – means a lot. XO

  16. I’m proud of you for all the hard things you’ve done and are doing. It’s the right thing for you and Milan 💜

  17. Hey Annie!

    I read all your posts and enjoy each and everyone. I felt a strong urge to respond to this one. I read all the responses to this one and sat here with tears in my eyes and chills on my arms. It’s heartbreaking what some of us have been put through.

    So glad to hear you tried therapy and it helped! I did it myself a few years back–one of the best decisions I ever made. I recommend it to everyone! Also glad you’re in a better place. I knew you would be!!!!

    Still keeping you and Milan in my prayers each day.

    Thanks for all the hard work you put into this blog. We all appreciate it.

    • Hi Everyone

      I know this is about being in a relationship with a Narcissist but my story is that I was raised by one. My childhood was robbed from and many people suffered because of my mother’s narcissism. My sister who died last year suffered terribly. I was happy to have GOD in my life and had moved on from it all. In my heart I forgiven my mother. We still don’t have a relationship but I want it to stay that way because she hasn’t changed and doesn’t plan to. My family have no idea that narcissism is a personality disorder and they don’t believe me when I try to educate them on it. Most of them are still tied to her and are just a product of their environment. There is no much to write but please keep this in mind; Narcissism is not a mental disorder because narcissist are sane but like any personality disorder they need help and anyone who is in a relationship with them or raised by one they should not ignore the fact that they need help as well because it’s mental abuse and should leave as soon as possible. If you’re a child confide in a counselor at school, pray and focus on school so that college can be your first plan of getting out.

  18. Thank you so much for sharing! I ran across your IG because I love your fashion style. I’m all about AT & some bows! 🙂 while on your website, I read your mention of this blog & I thought it was a sign. Another sign for me to find the strength to get out. It’s only been 3 years …(doesn’t compare to 19) but it feels like forever. 😩 Before him, I didn’t even know what a narcissist was. I’ve now educated myself & realize I’m addicted to the emotional highs & lows… even though I’ve never been addicted to anything else before (other than sugar??!!). I do not know how you did it after 19 years. Did you go NC? Help. I’ll take all the advice & prayers please. I want out of this living hell. But I always fall back to him. 😞🤦🏼‍♀️
    Angela in Georgia

    • Hi Angela,
      I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult time and dealing with a narcissist. My advice is to speak to a therapist and see what they think you should do. You can always email me privately if you want to chat. Sending love and prayers. Xo

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