New Home + New Beginnings

 New home.  New beginnings.  A second chance at life.  No more tears.  A fresh start.

white kitchen large island new construction

I’ve lost so much this past year (emotionally and financially) but gained back my life and identity.  It’s crazy to think just last year I was building my dream home and then my entire life turned upside down.  This house represents so much more than just a house.  It represents how far I’ve come and how strong I am.  How strong women are.  How strong moms are.  How incredibly strong SINGLE moms are.

I did this all on my own.  With no help from anyone.  I can’t help but fight back the tears.  This time it’s tears of hope.  Tears of joy.  Tears of relief.  So many emotions.  It’s surreal.  I’m scared but hopeful.  I refuse to let my pain turn my heart ugly.  I refuse to allow my past dictate my future.  I want to show you that surviving can be beautiful even if it hurts like hell.

I share my story with the world not so I can get pity or praise but so others know that there is hope.  I share my heart and pain so that if you’re struggling or in a dark place, know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.  No matter what, the sun will rise and set each day.

I have no idea what’s in store for Milan and I but I do know that we will be more than ok.  I will do whatever it takes to give her the life that she deserves.  The life that we BOTH deserve.  I’m feeling so grateful for the amazing friends and family I have.  We are surrounded by amazing people that only want the best for us (and this includes my virtual family too).  I’ve also been blessed to have met a wonderful man who has shown me how to love again.  I finally know what it feels like to be respected and cherished.

It’s been extremely difficult during this transition period.  I’m not going to lie or sugar coat anything.  I’ve basically started my life over from scratch.  I don’t even have furniture!  I finally bought a dining room table and it felt so liberating.  Milan and I ate on her tiny pink table and chairs for every meal for the past year.  As I type this, tears are rolling down my face uncontrollably.  I’m not sure why but this post is harder than I thought it would be.  In a sense, it’s like mourning my past life.  A life that I knew for almost 20 years.

I have no regrets because all my experiences have molded me into the person I am today and gave me the most precious gift I could ever ask for.  Milan.  My rainbow baby.  My reason for everything.  I am free from narcissism.  I am free from mental, verbal and emotional abuse.  I’ve been given a second chance at life and you better believe that I will never take that for granted.

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