I wanted to share some random thoughts with you as I sit here reflecting on the past year.
Mr. Right is out of town (he travels a lot for work). Milan’s in bed and I’m working (as usual). As I sit here typing, I’m reflecting back on everything I’ve been through. Reflecting on the past several years and I can’t help but have chills. I feel like I’ve been living in a fog for so long and I finally feel like I can see clearly now.
I get so many messages and emails from women all over the world sharing their personal experiences with narcissism, abuse and divorce. I get told that I inspire and give people hope because I shared my story. To be honest, this is hard for me to even grasp. I never in a million years thought that I would ever go through what I did and I definitely did not think I would ever go public with it. I certainly did not think that by sharing what I went through would help others. It literally brings me to tears and I am not just saying this. I didn’t share my horrific story to get clicks to my website nor did I share it to get attention. I was ashamed for years and still feel shame. The healing is an on-going process for me which is why I decided to go to therapy to help me get to a better place mentally.
As I was working on my Black Friday post last week, I ran across an old blog post from December of 2018. I was trying to find a photo of an Abercrombie beanie and this post brought back some awful memories. It was right before I found out what I found out in January and was still in denial. In denial about everything. My marriage. The daily abuse. How lonely and awful I felt every single day for the past several years.
I used to get the same heart wrenching question about having more kids and if I wanted Milan to have a sibling. I finally decided in that post to address why I was not having more kids even though in my heart of hearts, that’s all I ever wanted was to have at least two kids and give Milan a sibling. I don’t know if you know but I am the youngest of 7 kids and I literally would die if it wasn’t for my sisters. I want Milan to have that type of bond. That was the original plan but as we all know, life sometimes doesn’t work out as planned and that is okay.
I get told so often that I look so much happier. That my smile and eyes are so much different than before. This is 100% true. I was so sad for so long and it was such a struggle to continue to be in the public eye and hide my pain. My heart is healing. I smile with my eyes now instead of holding back tears. My smile is genuine. Why am I writing all of this? I have no clue. I just want to share my thoughts and feelings because if it reaches one person going through something similar have any hope for the future, then everything I have gone through is worth it. I love sharing fashion and sales however I feel like my blog is meant for something so much bigger and deeper.
My final thoughts. Whether you are struggling in your marriage or dealing with narcissism or any type of abuse, do not feel ashamed. Do not feel hopeless or helpless. Have faith. Love yourself. Talk to someone. No matter how dark your skies may be right now, there is light. Believe in yourself. Listen to your gut. Don’t hold on to something that isn’t worth holding on to even if you think it’s best for your kids.
If you are reading this, I love you all so much even if we are strangers. I’ve been blogging for almost 10 years and you guys are my cyber family and I hope you know I appreciate each and every one of you so much. XO
This striped skirt is over 4 years old and still a favorite of mine. Sizing runs true to size and I’m wearing size XS. The original waist measures 13″ across laying flat and I remember taking it in by 1″ or so (see old post from 2015 HERE). I love the length – definitely petite friendly and isn’t too long or short. It’s held up very well for the price (under $50). Would look great paired with navy tights if you live in colder climate.