Today’s post is hard for me to talk about. I never thought in a million years I would be discussing this publicly.
I recently decided to go to therapy to help deal with all the trauma I’ve been through for the past 4-5 years. I honestly can’t even believe I’m typing this out for the entire world to read. Mr. Right encouraged me to do so and I fought it for many months. My initial thought was, are you insane? I am NOT crazy so why would I go to therapy? There’s such a stigma about therapy and that only crazy people go sit in a room with a psychologist to discuss their personal problems.
As strong minded as I am and as tough as I may think I am, at the end of the day, I am still human. What I went through is not typical and the scars and emotional wounds are deep. There is no way that I can do this on my own. I thought I could but there is so much more healing I need to do not only for myself but for Milan and my new relationship.
Am I happy? Definitely. Have I moved on? Yes but the pain is still there and there is no denying it. I have a lot of healing left and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get to a healthy emotional and mental state of mind.
If you are new to my blog or haven’t been keeping up, I was dealing with narcissism, emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and infidelity. You would think it stops there but it doesn’t. There is SO MUCH MORE to my story which I cannot get into for many reasons.
Why I decided to go to therapy
People spend hundreds of dollars on a gym membership or personal trainers to keep their body in shape right? It started to make sense to me that investing in your mind and soul is just as important if not more so ESPECIALLY after experiencing any type of trauma.
I finally agreed to go to a few sessions to just to see how it felt. My schedule is jam packed as it is so making the time was a major challenge and still is. My goal is to heal my heart and my mind so I can be a better mom to Milan, a better partner to my new beau and overall a better human being. I refuse to let what happened to me ruin my life. I won’t allow it and if going to therapy will help me achieve my goal, then it is absolutely worth the investment. My biggest fear is carrying the trauma into my new relationship. I almost feel like I’m damaged goods.
Behind my smiles and social media, I still struggle EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I have good days and I have bad days. I struggle with all the common thoughts after infidelity. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I skinny enough? What could have I done better? The list goes on and on. I mentally have to force myself to wrap my mind around the fact that everything that happened to me was NOT MY FAULT. It never was and never will be. I know in my heart of hearts that I was a good wife, partner and did everything I could for my 19 year marriage. I am able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I gave it my all.
If you take anything away from this blog post, take this ONE THING. You are good enough and it’s not your fault.
Therapy is not for crazy people. Therapy is for individuals who want to better themselves mentally and emotionally. Time heals all wounds and I’m confident that I will one day be more than ok.
Dress: Banana Republic trench dress (size 00P, camel color HERE) | Sweater: c/o Banana Republic merino wool v-neck sweater (size XXSP, turtleneck version HERE) | Shoes: Linea Paolo leopard pumps (lower heel version HERE)
On another note, this trench dress is now 50% off! It’s similar to my skirt version HERE. Fits perfectly with no alterations and is NOT see-through! Would highly recommend. 🙂