Today’s post is hard for me to talk about. I never thought in a million years I would be discussing this publicly.
I recently decided to go to therapy to help deal with all the trauma I’ve been through for the past 4-5 years. I honestly can’t even believe I’m typing this out for the entire world to read. Mr. Right encouraged me to do so and I fought it for many months. My initial thought was, are you insane? I am NOT crazy so why would I go to therapy? There’s such a stigma about therapy and that only crazy people go sit in a room with a psychologist to discuss their personal problems.
As strong minded as I am and as tough as I may think I am, at the end of the day, I am still human. What I went through is not typical and the scars and emotional wounds are deep. There is no way that I can do this on my own. I thought I could but there is so much more healing I need to do not only for myself but for Milan and my new relationship.
Am I happy? Definitely. Have I moved on? Yes but the pain is still there and there is no denying it. I have a lot of healing left and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get to a healthy emotional and mental state of mind.
If you are new to my blog or haven’t been keeping up, I was dealing with narcissism, emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and infidelity. You would think it stops there but it doesn’t. There is SO MUCH MORE to my story which I cannot get into for many reasons.
Why I decided to go to therapy
People spend hundreds of dollars on a gym membership or personal trainers to keep their body in shape right? It started to make sense to me that investing in your mind and soul is just as important if not more so ESPECIALLY after experiencing any type of trauma.
I finally agreed to go to a few sessions to just to see how it felt. My schedule is jam packed as it is so making the time was a major challenge and still is. My goal is to heal my heart and my mind so I can be a better mom to Milan, a better partner to my new beau and overall a better human being. I refuse to let what happened to me ruin my life. I won’t allow it and if going to therapy will help me achieve my goal, then it is absolutely worth the investment. My biggest fear is carrying the trauma into my new relationship. I almost feel like I’m damaged goods.
Behind my smiles and social media, I still struggle EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I have good days and I have bad days. I struggle with all the common thoughts after infidelity. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I skinny enough? What could have I done better? The list goes on and on. I mentally have to force myself to wrap my mind around the fact that everything that happened to me was NOT MY FAULT. It never was and never will be. I know in my heart of hearts that I was a good wife, partner and did everything I could for my 19 year marriage. I am able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I gave it my all.
If you take anything away from this blog post, take this ONE THING. You are good enough and it’s not your fault.
Therapy is not for crazy people. Therapy is for individuals who want to better themselves mentally and emotionally. Time heals all wounds and I’m confident that I will one day be more than ok.
Dress: Banana Republic trench dress (size 00P, camel color HERE) | Sweater: c/o Banana Republic merino wool v-neck sweater (size XXSP, turtleneck version HERE) | Shoes: Linea Paolo leopard pumps (lower heel version HERE)
On another note, this trench dress is now 50% off! It’s similar to my skirt version HERE. Fits perfectly with no alterations and is NOT see-through! Would highly recommend. 🙂
No difference between physical therapy for a bum knee and psychological therapy sessions – just work on a different body part. But I know some cultures have deep stigmas about anything mental.
I went to therapy at 16. He taught me how to get my “power” back after a lifetime of fear of my father. I started pondering what made people tick as far back as 9 and had psych 101 in high school, though.
As for broken and scars – there’s a Japanese art/ideal where they take a broken pottery piece, a plate or bowl, and seal up the crack or fill in the missing chunk with gold. It makes a piece more beautiful than the original item. Kintsugi! You mend the item with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.
And you totally look too young to have had a 19 year marriage.
Thank you for sharing this as I just sent my 23 yr old daughter to therapy for the first time. You did a wonderful job describing why get on help is important and I tried to explain to my daughter that although she is smart and strong and about to graduate from college, everyone can benefit from some professional support in their life.
Annie girl, do not spend one more minute thinking about your ex or what you did wrong. NOTHING. Think of it this way, does he deserve your thoughts or any part of you? You are loved by so many. Can he say the same? I hope he has no influence or time with Milan.
I used to think were only for crazy people. Boy, was I wrong! It was one of the best decisions I had ever made for myself 10 years ago! It helped me to restore the confidence I lost because of bad relationship choices I had made. It also helped me to find out root causes of other deep-seeded issues I experienced over the years. Your health (mental and physical) are most important. Without it, we don’t have much. So happy you made the decision for you and your family!
You are more than GOOD enough! You are setting a great example for Milan by seeking help and talking to someone. If you don’t talk to someone the issues will start to spill over into all other aspects of your life! You are definitely NOT damaged goods! You want Milan to grow up into a STRONG and CONFIDENT woman and that starts with you! So kudos to you! I saw a therapist for a little while I grew up in an abusive home and knew I needed help so I could raise my boys right! You got this Annie! Thank you for sharing something so deep and personal.
There is NO shame in going to therapy. Thank you for bringing light onto a dark subject.
We all have baggage, some heavier than others, but it doesn’t discount those with lighter baggage. The thought that “oh, i don’t have it as bad as others” isn’t a good enough reason to not talk to a professional about it. I like to talk it out with a trained professional just to get a “tune up” or “adjustment” to my critical thinking skills…and to remind myself that i am not, in fact, crazy.
One of my friends, whom i thought really had his $hit together was the one who encouraged me to talk it out with a therapist. he said that he had his $hit together BECAUSE he talks it out. Good logic & reasoning.
I’m glad that you’ve moved forward and are SO brave to share your pain to remove the stigma so that others can move forward too!!
Annie, I have a lot of respect for you. Therapy is great! You are an admirable individual!
I so enjoy your posts. I, too, am a small person, so seeing you look so stylish and attractive gives me confidence too. Because of you I am shopping at Loft.
Annie, oh dear Annie:
I read your post and your courage shows through it all. I am happy that you decided to go to therapy. In 1993 when I decided to leave my abusive husband of 8 years I knew I had to take care of myself as I felt I was drowning. I felt I was ugly, not desirable, not intelligent enough, invisible. In so many words, I believed him when he said I wasn’t enough. He even tried to make me believe that I wasn’t spiritually advanced enough to accept that his mistress (who was my best friend) come to live with us in MY house! He had left his work and I was the sole provider!!!!
So, after several months of painful worries, in August 1993, I decided to save my sanity and left him. But my innerself was almost non existent, I had to go to therapy for 2 full years and then I decided to add self-confidence and self-love workshops.
I can tell you that it saved me and brought my authentic self back.
I am the living example of a woman who have chosen herself and her well-being.
I promise you that you will conquer that bad experience and will get out of this life trial a better person, a better companion, mother and friend.
Hugs and kisses to you and Milan.
Good for you Annie!!! You are supported and loved by those who matter. Keep reaching higher. Heal at your pace and how that process fits for you and that beautiful baby. I send my love and thoughts and a hug to Milan.
Great decision beautiful girl! I wish that I would have had enough sense to seek help when I was your age. I still feel damaged! Funny though that’s after suffering through 20 plus years of insecurities the louse wants to come back into my life. You are beautiful and you deserve better. You’ll come out stronger with help. God bless you and your precious little girl.
Annie, EVERYONE should get therapy at some point, because we’re human. One of the (several) therapists I’ve seen told me she herself occasionally goes to therapy because we all need a check-up, we need healing and we need others. NO shame whatsoever.
I love this. Thank you for your vulnerability.
I love Debbie’s post. I was literally about to type the same thing. I almost feel like it should be a regular thing or a “tune up” after difficult life events.
You’re amazing.
You are doing great Annie and be very proud of yourself. Narcisic people are damaged and miserable and want to make others feel the same
I too was married to one, a violent one who had mummy and daddy issues. He had very loose morals, a violent temper and a shallow barely existant personality.
The initial phase was wonderful and then the abuse started. Things like what I ate which had to be the same as him, as he had a wheat allergy. No flowers in the house as he was allergic.
I look back in horror at how hard it was and fighting back made it worse.
Therapy was the best thing for me too, as my self esteem was so low.
You are giving your daughter a normal life, a positive role model unlike your ex. I would not give him head space as he has a new supply to work himself on.
Narcs love kind and empathic people to destroy, then toss them aside.
Keep your head high knowing it was HIM.
I’m so proud of you! Going to therapy is absolutely necessary for everyone, and I recommend it to anyone who is human! (I, myself, am still in therapy).
I think there has been a shift in this past decade where mental health has become so important that there is no longer a stigma associated with therapy, in my opinion, anyway; you don’t owe any of us an explanation! I hope you continue to make time for it!
Thank you for your vulnerability, and I pray that you find healing and peace in your journey. (As an aside, I have also had really good experiences with reiki where they balance your chakras if that is something you would consider).
You are a beautiful and intelligent, strong woman-made by God and He doesn’t make mistakes. It’s what we choose to do with what He has given us-and you are making good choices now for you and your daughter. All you have to do is ask Jesus to come into your heart and help you along your journey. Bless you!
Gal it’s the best thing for self and your daughter. I was abused too and didn’t go for therapy. I had family support bringing up my baby but looking back, I now know therapy would have made loads of difference. Being emotionally healthy and self awareness are key to avoid passing baggage to your child which translates to emotional wounds and the cycles repeats. Kudos to your Mr. Right for encouraging you to do this.